| 20 Random Facts |
[02 Sep 2005|01:37pm] |
1. I haven't updated my journal in quite a while, and for some reason, Em tagging me to do this made me update...
2. I'm getting ready to go to my Biblical Literature class, which is by far the most pointless class I've ever taken.
3. I went to Wal-Mart last night, holding a dead fish all the way there.
4. I'm wearing a pink skirt today. I don't typically wear skirts, but I do wear a lot of pink.
5. I had a turkey sandwich for lunch today.
6. I took a shower, but forgot to brush my teeth today...though I'm not sure why.
7. It's Friday, and tonight, I'm going to do my laundry.
8. I recently was -forced- [and by forced, I mean I have to do it or I won't get an A in the course] to start a blog for my BibLit class.
9. I have a quiz in my Energy class, and I'm going to fail because I am neither math-minded nor am I science-minded. Yes, I'm a humanities 'loser' as Seth would have it.
10. I just finished my 3rd full bottle of water of the day.
11. My watch has a pink face.
12. I got my hair cut last Saturday.
13. Andrew was at my house until 1:30 in the morning the morning before I came back to school.
14. I broke up with my loser of a boyfriend partly because I seem to value certain peoples' opinions, and partly because he annoyed me.
15. I'm not going to tag anyone for this, do it if you want. Not that you've probably read this far anyway.
16. I painted my toenails bright green this morning.
17. I sleep with a stuffed monkey named Rasta, who has a multi-colored hat that I crocheted myself.
18. Yes, I'm a dork and I crochet hats for my friends/stuffed animals/family.
19. I have a 4 year old pit bull named Hooch who is the love of my young life.
20. I love to read.
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| Zodiac Icons |
[14 Jul 2005|05:59pm] |
I decided I wanted to do a batch of Zodiac Icons...so here they are. =) Comment if you're taking. Credit not necessary, but appreciated.
( What's your sign? )
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| Woo |
[16 Jun 2005|03:35pm] |
My lj is hawt now. Everyone should look at it! I <3 it muchlies.
Credit for the basic coding goes to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kaycar11
Rock on dudes and dudettes. =)
"There are a million ways to say I love you without uttering a single word."
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| Why does it hurt so much? |
[07 Jan 2005|12:27am] |
Why does it hurt so much to love someone? And it hurts even more to love them when they don't love you back. I'm so ready to get away from all of this. I'm ready for it to be next fall, to be moved down to Natchitoches, with Marsha.
I cried, and it seemed like my dog was crying with me. He made these little whiney noises and nudged his nose against my cheek. There is no greater love than that of an animal. Humans couldn't possibly come close to loving a person like their dog or cat loves them. It's unconditional, they don't care if you smell funky, or don't look your best. They don't care if you're slightly moody or if you want something from them they aren't willing to give you. Animals are willing to give a lot more than people are. Animals are better at loving people than people are.
Regardless of whether he loves me back, I can't help the way I feel about him. It's not something I can just turn off with the click of a button. Though that would be nice. Notice my new icon? I wish I could stop myself from feeling what I do for him. In a way, I'm SO glad he doesn't love me back. Because I couldn't handle that. I can't handle being loved. Yet it's what I yearn for, what I want most in life. All I've wanted all of my life, is to be happy. The only thing I've ever thought would make me happy, was being loved. Now I know I can't be happy, because I can't be loved. Maybe I'll change my definition of happy. Change the way I achieve happiness. Right now, all I'm feeling is lonely, and pain...My pride is slightly damaged, as is my heart. I'll heal.
I gave Marsha free reign over my Blurty...I have a feeling it'll be awesome. I'm so glad I have a friend like her. I'm so glad I have SO many friends that are willing to carry me when I can't make it on my own. They're willing to ride out the storms with me, and talk me through the situations I seem to get myself into. I love my friends. <3
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| I feel like I'm breaking in two. |
[06 Jan 2005|12:26am] |
My heart hurts. Something broke inside of me tonight. Something made me realize, he doesn't come close to feeling the same way about me as I feel about him. Every piece of information I get from him has been plucked painfully. It takes so much for me to get anything real from him. What kind of crap is this, he doesn't want me to come stay with him, not even for a couple of days, because he doesn't think he could trust himself with me there? I totally don't even believe that. I mean, it's not like I'd let anything happen anyway, because I made a promise to myself that I wasn't ever having sex again until I was married. I couldn't do that to Mandie anyway. I just wanted to go see him, instead of talking to him on the computer? I wanted him to be more real to me. It's painfully obvious that he just doesn't want me there. He wouldn't give me his address so I could send him a stupid birthday card, and that was my breaking point.
Anyway...I got distracted. I'm going to end this here...pick it back up later maybe.
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| Broken |
[04 Jan 2005|11:15am] |
See these eyes?
They're of a broken girl
With a broken smile
And broken ties.
Laying in a bed
Of broken promises,
And filthy lies.
These eyes convey
All the disappointment
The pain.
The mistakes were made
And now here she lies
A broken girl
With a broken heart
And it's all hidden
In her empty eyes.
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| It's like I can't think without you interrupting me, in my thoughts, in my dreams, you've taken over |
[03 Jan 2005|04:50pm] |
My New Years Resolutions (I just figured them out last night.)
1.Be happy.
2.Every day I want to do something mentally challenging, physically challenging, something that makes someone else happy, something that makes me happy, and something that helps someone else.
3.Lose weight. (I'm not going to set a specific goal, I'm going to be happy with whatever disappears!)
4.Don't care what other people think of me.
5.Realize I can't please everyone, and I can't compromise my own happiness for that of others.
6.Be okay with what I have, and not wish for what I can't have.
7.Be more confident, friendly, and open about my feelings.
8.Be less of a pushover.
9.Do well in my classes...meaning GO TO THEM and do my homework and such.
10.Spend less time at my computer...
11.Whine less.
12.Get more sleep...time providing.
13.I'm not going to deal with internet drama anymore...
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| And my world just keeps spinning around...him. |
[02 Jan 2005|07:10pm] |
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I'm tired. I miss him. I can't stop thinking about him. I HATE THIS. I want to be with him. Sadly, he's two states away and he has a girlfriend. SIGH. I wish there was something I could do to change the way I feel. I wish there weren't so many damn emotions and thoughts running through my head right now. I'm going to go and try to sleep. Bye.
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| PoWeM |
[02 Jan 2005|04:26am] |
And Every time I close my eyes, I think of you.
I realize I'm never going to have you, but...
that's what dreams are for.
I'll wake up in the morning and face reality.
But for now I just want to dream.
To have you hold me in your arms,
and pretend that everything's okay.
I want to wish away this pain that comes from being alone.
I envy those that can sleep a dreamless sleep,
not haunted by your memories.
The thoughts of you that invade my head each night,
before I slip into my dream-filled sleep,
are almost unbearable, they keep me awake,
even when I'm dreaming.
Tears slide down my tired face,
and I almost can't bear the fact that I'm alone
as always.
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| Surveys fight boredom! |
[27 Dec 2004|01:30pm] |
1. Male or Female? Female.
2. Favourite colour? Pink.
3. Favourite food? Chicken.
4. Celebrity crushes? Johnny Depp (Yeah, he's older than my mom, but he is gorgeous.) Adam Brody (Geeks turn me on).
5. Hair colour? Blonde.
6. How old are you? 18
7. How much do you weigh? Too much.
8. Do you like rock music? Indeed.
9. Have you ever broken something and blamed it on someone? Yes.
10. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember.
11. Britney or Christina? Christina is hot.
12. Cakes or cookies? Cookie...I don't like cake.
13. KFC or McDonalds? McDonalds.
14. Do you want a tattoo? No.
15. Have you ever tried voodoo? No.
16. Do you wish you were thinner? Definitely.
17. What is the time right now? 1:34 P.M.
18. Have you got a pet? I have a dog. Named Hooch. He's spoiled rotten.
19. What’s worse falling over in front of your crush or breaking wind in front of them? Breaking wind.
20. Have you got a piercing? Just my ears.
21. Describe yourself in three words... Intelligent independent woman.
22. Do you believe in aliens? Nope.
23. Do you believe in ghosts? Nope.
24. Do you like Halloween? I'm apathetic.
25. How many teeth are in your mouth? I have 33 teeth...the 32 normal ones and a wisdom tooth.
26. Can you sing? Kind of.
27. Do you like playing dare games? Depends on who I'm playing with.
28. Are you a liar? I try not to be.
29. Have you got drunk before? Yup.
30. Have you got a religion? I do.
31. How many fingers am I holding up? 4.
32. Can you roll your tongue? Yup.
33. What’s your favourite sport? Basketball or Softball (to play) Baseball or Basketball (to watch).
34. What’s your favourite flavour ice cream? Phish Food or One Sweet Whirled.
35. Do you have any fillings in your teeth? Just one, because I used to grind my teeth in my sleep. Other than that I have perfectly healthy teeth.
36. Can you send this survey to hundreds of people by email? No…
37. Would you ever go outside in your pyjamas? I live in my PJs. I go to class and work in my pj's, I wear them around the dorm and my house, I go to the store in my pj's...Yeah.
38. Could you tell me your sizes of shoes and clothes? I could, but that doesn't mean I'm going to.
39. Do you think self labelling is wrong? Yes.
40. Do you have anything which makes you individual? I don’t know.
41. Do you smoke? Nope.
42. How old is your mother? 36.
43. What was your favourite toy when you were a child? My barbies.
44. What is your favourite band? Lillix, The Doors, or The Beatles, I'm not sure, I suck at making decisions.
45. What did you get for Christmas? CD's, Money, a digital camera, a stereo, and some random other junk.
46. Have you got a phobia? i'm ascared of being alone for the rest of my life.
47. Do you bitch about anyone and if so who? I bitch about a lot of people, but I don't ever mean it.
48. What is the worst form of punishment you could think of for a murderer? Violence is not the answer.
49. Have you got a wrong or right answer? Usually it's right.
50. Heard of The Darkness, this great band from England? Um, No.
51. Do you wear glasses? Yes.
52. Have you got a boy/girlfriend? Nope.
53. Have you got an enemy? Not that I know of.
54. Favourite film? Coyote Ugly...or Save the Last Dance.
55. What’s your saying? I don't think I really have one. "WoOsh" maybe.
56. Can you count to 9,737,859 (nine million, seven hundred and thirty seven thousand, eight hundred and fifty nine)? I don’t think the question is can I. I think the real question is would I want to?
57. Do you have a habit? I have lots of habits, bad and normal. I brush my teeth five times a day. I also shower twice a day. It's just not normal. I think I might be OCD, I hate being dirty, I must wash my hands after touching anything remotely unclean. I change my socks about four times a day. I'm weird. I own a lot of socks for that reason though.
58.Can you describe your bedroom? Which one? DORM: Small, bunk beds, two desks, two dressers, lots of mess. HOME: Bigger than dorm, big bed, baby bed for the nephews, desk, dresser, lots of mess.
59. What kind of shampoo do you use? Finesse, Herbal Essences, and some salon junk that my sister gave me to keep my color vibrant...Kiwi, I think that's the name of it.
60. Sick of chain letters? I just ignore them.
61. Do you have any qualifications? Qualifications for what?
62. Could you tell me any joke? Okay, so there's this octopus, and he can play any instrument that you give him. So this guy comes up to him, hands him a clarinet. The octopus plays it exquisitely. The guy gives him a trumpet, the octopus plays it as beautifully as any man has ever played it. Then the man hands him a set of bag pipes. The octopus looks at it for a while, fumbles around with it, and just looks puzzled. The man says "So, you can't play it or what?" The octopus replies with "Play it? Shit, as soon as I can get these damn pajamas off, I'm going to fuck it!"
63. What’s your favourite fragrance? "Lucky" by Lucky You. "Endless Love" by Victoria's Secret.
64. Do you like comedy movies? Yes, I do.
65. Do you get stressed? Yes, especially when it comes to school.
66. What is 689,689 multiplied by 2? 1379378. (I just left Jade's answer.)
67. Do you have any hobbies? Writing, reading, singing.
68. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? Harry Potter.
69. Can you tell me what question 17 was? Who cares, that was forever ago.
70. It was "what’s the time" what is the time now? 1:50 PM.
71. Do you have a DVD player? At home, yes. At school, no.
72. Name a famous tennis player.. Andy Roddick.
73. Have you got any sisters or brothers? 3 half brothers, 1 half sister, five step-siblings, 2 brothers-in-law.
74. Have you done your homework? I'm home on Christmas break...fuck homework.
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| Christmas...just another day in the life of Heather. |
[25 Dec 2004|01:30pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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have a holly jolly christmas... |
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So, it's Christmas day, and here I am, on the computer, updating my journal. Wow, how exciting. It's nice having a disfunctional family, no Christmas on Christmas day. Well, actually, I think I'm supposed to go to my step-mom's dad's for Christmas dinner tonight. If my dad picks me up, I'll go, if not, well, you'll find me right here. I have Christmas with my siblings, mom and step-dad tomorrow. Had Christmas with my dad LAST Saturday. I got my digital camera, a stereo, money and a pillow. Really made out quite nicely with that one. Then on Sunday I had Christmas with the Meade family, I got a silver cross necklace, it's nice. Then another Christmas, this time with Grandpa Dale. Since I turned 18 this year, I don't get anything from him anymore. Yay. Being an adult sucks. Last night was Christmas with the grandparents. Got fifty bucks. Doubled from last year. Nice. I was expecting 25, but 50 is good too! I'm going to go ahead and tell you what I'm getting from my mom, just so I don't have to remember for my next update...100 dollars, a cd (not actually sure, it's either Lindsay Lohan, Kelly Clarkson, Jesse McCartny, or Ashlee Simpson), a measuring cup (I needed one for school!), a coffee mug (again, needed it for school), hair things and earrings. I picked mine out myself...and I also picked most of everyone else's. I had a lot of Christmas cheer before Christmas actually came, then it dwindled. Such is life.
I feel like I'm letting certain people down. Not sure how exactly, I just have this aching feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Being home for break is so weird. I've been stuck in this house because of the stupid snow. STUPID 19 INCHES OF SNOW...Bah. I'm ready to go back to school. But, that won't happen until January 9th. I have to get another job when I get back, to pay my cell bill. Which, by the way, the number is 937 467 1238. Don't call until after 7 pm though please. I won't have the phone until probably next Thursday or so.
So, I'm going to go find something productive to do. I'm home, call if you feel like it...if you have the number.
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| I wish every day that you were by my side... |
[07 Dec 2004|09:23pm] |
So, I'm falling for someone I shouldn't be falling for, go figure right? Right. It just figures that he just got with someone...that's my luck. I broke down today and told him exactly how I felt...I don't think I should have. Shtuff happens. So...he told me to go for Ryan...CAN'T do that. Ryan's...not HIM. No one is HIM...and I won't settle for anyone else. No one can make my stomach flutter like he does, no one can make me feel beautiful the way he does...no one can laugh as goofily as he laughs, and still be amazing doing it...I'm not going to make this an ode to HIM though.
My days here at Bluffton speed by me in a blur. Finals are less than a week away. Messiah is this Sunday! Final presentations are coming due, final projects...everyone is busy. Life on campus is so much more than I thought it would be. I didn't expect to make as many friends as I have, to be in as many activities as I am, to hate my job as much as I do (but who actually enjoys doing dishes?)...I didn't expect it to go this fast. I didn't expect things to end as soon as they did. The end of my first semester of college, how exciting is that? My friends (all freshmen) and I are going out to eat Thursday to celebrate, and to take a break from studying. Amanda and I are going to go shopping Thursday as well, we both have Christmas to buy! I also have to figure out what I want from my mom, because I haven't got the slightest clue. I told her a digital camera, but I also told my dad that, so who knows. I spend most of my time hanging out in Amanda's room, or online talking to HIM...I don't get to spend nearly as much time as I wish I could talking to HIM...BIG SIGH...right. I need to get over that. It's never going to happen. First of all, he could never do that to Mandie, second of all, I could never do that to Mandie...third of all...I don't think he feels the same way about me, but I can't be sure. All he told me was that I dind't ruin our friendship by telling him everything that I told him. Here I go again, back on this subject.
My classes are going fairly well, I'm happy that they're almost over though. I'm excited to be this much closer to graduating...and I've only just begun! Maybe my dad was right, maybe I should have taken a year off and then come to school, but I'm glad to be getting it over with now. I'm happy with the friends I've made, and I'm happy with being here.
I think that I need to get a shower, I smell like gross food and I'm tired and need to go to bed. So, farewell good friends. Leave me comments, they're incentive to post more often!
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| And the prince and princess lowered their expectations and lived mediocrely ever after. |
[30 Nov 2004|08:45pm] |
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Okay, so it's been a while since my last post, again. Not to worry, nothing much has gone on. Same old stuff, day after day. Classes, work, Messiah rehearsal, hanging out with my girls. No guy. Went home for Thanksgiving break, yay. Very uneventful six days of my life. Tuesday I stopped at the high school to see Andrew and Bryant, they kept me there from 11 to 5:30, then we went to see "National Treasure" and after that we went to Wal-Mart and then to Fazoli's. I got to drive Andrew's car, that was exciting. I miss just hanging out with them...and...I'll finish this when I get back to my dorm, Amanda's ready to leave the library. Sorry.
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| So it's been two weeks, has anyone noticed I've been missing? |
[16 Nov 2004|01:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 melancholy |
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| [ |
music |
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"The Best of Me" - The Starting Line |
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Nothing much has been going on lately. I have no life, I sleep, go to class, go to work...that's pretty much it. Well, I guess I went home this past weekend, went to Arcanum's play, that was fun. Talked to Andrew, that could turn out to be exciting, who knows. I've been slightly depressed lately, but what's new? So yeah, college isn't really all that exciting at the moment, the weekdays suck, the weekends are fun. Clubbin' with Yoni and Megg this weekend for Yoni's birthday, Michigan/Ohio State party Saturday with Amanda and her family and friends, then R&R Sunday. I'm not working next week, dinner with my floor on Monday, going home Tuesday morning. Gotta stop at Edison to get my credits transferred, then I'm stopping at the high school to see everyone. Amanda, give me a call if you want to do something while I'm home, you better still have my phone number!
So, I'm sure you're wondering about the guy front...there isn't one, it's a dry spell for Heatherland right now. I'm pretty sure Heatherland is in for a drought. It should be interesting to see how long this one lasts. I'll keep you all updated.
I register for spring classes on Thursday, I better get into the classes I want. If I don't get into ENG202 I'm going to be HIGHLY PISSED OFF. Yeah, that's right. That's the one class that I want for next semester, and if I don't get it you better believe I'm going to be pissed. I do have a back-up plan however, if all those scuzzy upperclassmen decide they want to be in that class and I don't get in.
I'm heading off to bed now, because it's 1 am and I have a 9:30 class to get up for in the morning. Goodnight.
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